My mom and I woke up the kids five minutes before\u00a0midnight. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWake up, it\u2019s time,\u201d I said gently, trying to contain my excitement.<\/span><\/p>\n When I was a kid, New Year\u2019s Eve was a big deal. It still\u00a0is<\/i>\u00a0a huge night of celebration in Croatia, an\u00a0important<\/i>\u00a0one. Or maybe it\u2019s just a great excuse to have friends over, play music, dance, get all excited, and laugh and cry all at once. And\u00a0the next day, start anew. (Although in Croatia, we first have a New Year\u2019s Eve Reprise \u2013 complete with the countdown, the champagne, and a band . . . )<\/span><\/p>\n Blais sat next to me, ready to count down and watch the Ball Drop in New York City\u2019s Times Square. We had been spending a few days at a friend\u2019s condo in Florida . . . near the ocean. It felt good to be just\u00a0us<\/i><\/span>at the end of a very difficult year . . .<\/span><\/p>\n \u201c10, 9, 8 . . . \u201d I jumped on my feet, as excited as a child. \u201c7, 6, 5 . . . \u201d I glanced at my boys, who were much calmer than me. . . . \u201c4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!\u201d I yelled. I hugged Blais and kissed his cheek, making my way to Evan, Dante <\/span>and my mom \u2013 while Frank Sinatra sang\u00a0\u201cNew York, New York.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And then it hit me like a tidal wave . . . this deep sadness . . . a triggered memory of endings, of not wanting to say goodbye and let go.<\/span><\/p>\n And a realization, that without endings, there could never be new beginnings. <\/span><\/p>\n Without the night, there could never be a new dawn. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll always love you, Matthew!\u201d I thought, believing he could hear me.<\/span><\/p>\n I didn\u2019t want to make the kids sad, seeing me cry. \u201cIt\u2019s OK to cry, <\/span>Mama.\u201d Blais <\/span>said, before I could turn my face away and let my tears flow out like a river after months of rain. In my heart, I saw the remnants of 2017 float away\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n As we got really quiet, the voice of Andra Day filled the room:\u00a0\u201cI\u2019ll rise up . . . Rise like the day . . . I\u2019ll rise up . . . In spite of the ache,\u201d<\/i><\/b>\u00a0and I let her song comfort me . . . (If you pay attention, there is ALWAYS the perfect song playing for you \u2013 whether it\u2019s on the radio, your playlist, or through a bird outside your window.)\u00a0\u201c<\/i>I\u2019ll rise up . . . And I\u2019ll do it a thousand times again . . . \u201d<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n The next morning, I woke up before the sun. I grabbed my journal and a blanket and sat on the balcony, ready to watch the First Sunrise of 2018. It was calm, beautiful and so pink \u2013 just like the morning when Matthew passed. And I felt tremendous peace and lightness of being. I felt energized and renewed.<\/span><\/p>\n I felt like one feels after they put down a heavy suitcase and decide that they don\u2019t need its contents for the journey ahead.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_video src=”http:\/\/tajci.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/IMG_3672-2.mp4?_=1″ _builder_version=”3.0.98″ \/][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.98″ text_font_size=”16px”]<\/p>\n And the storm that rolled in the next day (yes, even Florida got a taste of it) couldn\u2019t bring me down.<\/span><\/p>\n Because I knew there could be no sunrise without a night, and no spring without a winter.<\/span><\/p>\n Have a blessed and happy New Year!<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row background_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0.1)” _builder_version=”3.0.98″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”connect with me” _builder_version=”3.0.98″]<\/p>\n CONNECT WITH ME<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code _builder_version=”3.0.98″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”|||370px”][et_social_follow icon_style=”flip” icon_shape=”rounded” icons_location=”top” col_number=”auto” outer_color=”dark”][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.98″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_code _builder_version=”3.0.98″][inf_infusionsoft_inline optin_id=”optin_5″][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider show_divider=”on” _builder_version=”3.0.98″ \/][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.98″ text_font_size=”16px”] My mom and I woke up the kids five minutes before\u00a0midnight. \u201cWake up, it\u2019s time,\u201d I said gently, trying to contain my excitement. When I was a kid, New Year\u2019s Eve was a big deal. It still\u00a0is\u00a0a huge night of celebration in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":898,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/897","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=897"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/897\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}