Most people have experienced it at least once in their lifetime \u2013 the moment when we connect with Love, that force behind the creation of the universe and everything in it. It is so deeply fulfilling, it stirs us up on a cellular level. We feel completely whole: like nothing in our lives is broken, and nothing is missing. We feel like dancing for joy; we are alive, soaked in grace, pain-and-fear-free, filled with passion for Life itself.<\/span><\/p>\n We are glad to surrender to it and offer no resistance. These moments can be experienced in spiritual awakenings (some people also call them \u2018encounters with God\u2019) or life-changing events such as holding a newborn in our hands for the first time.<\/span><\/p>\n But there is one place where we experience this Love, in the fullest way possible: relationships \u2013 \u00a0friendships, parenthood and especially marriage. Here is where moments turn into a life-long practice of Love.\u00a0(1 John 4:16 \u201cGod is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.\u201d)<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n The challenging part, however, is that while connecting with Love (the force of Life that comes from our Creator) is mostly an individual thing, relationships happen between two people who are willing to surrender to the same Love \u2013 and recognize the sacred power (and sacred responsibility) behind it.<\/span><\/p>\n For most people, it\u2019s not easy to trust another person and let our guard down.<\/span><\/p>\n As we go through life, most of us accumulate \u2018bad\u2019 and hurtful experiences \u2013 when our trust is broken, or we feel abandoned, betrayed and rejected. Some people experience sexual or emotional abuse. Each failed relationship \u2013 and each violation \u2013 makes us afraid to try to connect on a deeper level. We build protective walls and shields around our heart and end up missing out on ever experiencing the Love in which we were meant to live.<\/span><\/p>\n But, when we know that the Love we feel for each other is our human experience of the Divine Love that loves us all the time, we can always access it and allow it to restore us. \u2026 We find courage to work through the pain and trust love again.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2014<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMy wife left me,\u201d a coaching client writes in an email. \u201cAll she offered as a reason for wanting a divorce was that she always felt lonely in our marriage.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n They were married for decades. They seemed happy \u2013 they both had successful careers and healthy kids who went to great schools; they belonged to a church community and volunteered together. They took vacations each year and sent out Christmas cards, looking happy and blessed.<\/span><\/p>\n He was shocked that she could be lonely. He was always there \u2013 faithful, responsible, and didn\u2019t drink or travel extensively.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI thought we were happy. But I recognize now that there were many times when she refused me and I didn\u2019t try to understand why. I\u2019d just get angry or resigned, and looked for distractions instead of solutions,\u201d he concludes with regret and a sense of deep loss.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2014<\/span><\/p>\n I have heard this story dozens, if not hundreds of times, from friends and people I coached to those who have shared with me after my concerts and talks.<\/span><\/p>\n We get hurt. When we don\u2019t treat our hurts properly, they heal with big scars. Abusive situations hold so much shame that many victims end up keeping their \u2018secrets\u2019 inside without a chance to heal. They hope that, like in the Disney fairy tales, their lover will someday come to rescue and magically wipe it all away.<\/span><\/p>\n Instead, the story goes like this: after the first falling-in-love magic fades away \u2013 or gets lost between kids, work and home chores \u2013 the wife\u2019s unprocessed grief or anger grows into depression and anxiety. Her doctor prescribes medications that numb the feelings of loneliness and put the smile back on her face, but that doesn\u2019t correct the cause of it. It disconnects her even more from her husband, who is somehow still oblivious to the fact that something is going on.<\/span><\/p>\n The husband doesn\u2019t know how to connect with her, either. Perhaps he never knew in the first place, because he was told that as a man he has to be in control and not listen to his heart. She withdraws from him; he feels hurt and resentful. Without connection, lovers eventually drift so far apart that they aren\u2019t able to find their way back to each other. They blame each other for their unhappiness. (Men get depressed and suffer from anxiety, too \u2026 this example happens with roles reversed.) They distract with work, substance abuse, porn, or superficial internet relationships. The only thing that could bring them back, Love, is the last thing they want to really open up to. It feels too vulnerable and scary. Or futile. It\u2019s easier to simply leave.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2014<\/span><\/p>\n I learned from my marriage that the hardest thing to do is to dig in deep and work through the pain. <\/span><\/p>\n There were times when it was incredibly hard to pull out all the ugly hurts I kept inside and allow them to heal slowly and achingly. Yes, we both thought of giving up many times. But we were both stubborn \u2013 and we trusted God\u2019s love to help us make it through. We found our way back to each other, surrendered to Love, and when he got sick and passed away, it was pain all over again.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to shut yourself off and say: \u201cI\u2019m never going to let myself hurt this much.\u201d But with shutting off, we also shut off the experience of God\u2019s Love for us. And without that Divine Love, how can we love our neighbor, the stranger, the poor? How can we love all creation?<\/span><\/p>\n Here are some things that helped me: Learning about yourself<\/strong> involves not just learning about your hurts and fears, but also about your needs and wants.<\/span><\/p>\n Communicating openly and honestly.<\/strong> Express how you feel without putting the blame on the other person. Say: \u201cI feel lonely when I am unable to connect with you\u201d instead of \u201cYou make me feel lonely.\u201d Learn to listen to the other person as well. Knowing that each of us have our own struggles and battles we are fighting helps us to communicate with a lot more compassion and understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n Making it a point to connect with the source of Love;<\/strong> do this by meditating, praying, going out into nature, or sitting still and silent. Be reminded that Love is a force that created everything you see; a force that supports you and surrounds you no matter what needs healing.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row background_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0.1)” _builder_version=”3.0.98″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text admin_label=”connect with me” _builder_version=”3.0.98″]<\/p>\n CONNECT WITH ME<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code _builder_version=”3.0.98″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”|||370px”][et_social_follow icon_style=”flip” icon_shape=”rounded” icons_location=”top” col_number=”auto” outer_color=”dark”][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.98″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_code _builder_version=”3.0.98″][inf_infusionsoft_inline optin_id=”optin_5″][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_divider show_divider=”on” _builder_version=”3.0.98″][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.98″ text_font_size=”16px”] Most people have experienced it at least once in their lifetime \u2013 the moment when we connect with Love, that force behind the creation of the universe and everything in it. It is so deeply fulfilling, it stirs us up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1054,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7376","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7376","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7376"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7376\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1054"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7376"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7376"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7376"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/span>Our soul remembers that this Love, this force,
\nis where we came from,
\nand it\u2019s where we belong and where we want to be.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>
\nWorking with a therapist and a coach.<\/strong> A therapist will help uncover and heal the hidden fears and unprocessed hurts. A coach will help you move forward from the past and give you tools to manage new hurts and anxieties (because new hurts and anxieties will always be a part of our lives.)<\/span><\/p>\n