Pretty ambitious goals, no?<\/p>\n
I had all the pieces worked out, I just didn\u2019t want to start. So I\u2019d lay in bed till late morning, enjoy long coffees and lunches with my mom, work around the house, and watch movies in the evenings.<\/p>\n
I took a day to go shopping with Blais, exchange some Christmas gifts, and buy a new journal (my old one ran out of pages).<\/p>\n
The process of picking out a new journal is an important one for me. Each notebook I\u2019ve filled out since I was nine years old, becomes a book, a story, a chapter of my life with a beginning, middle and end.<\/p>\n
And when I look back, I recognize each story by the looks of the journals. The cover and the content somehow meld together – not by design, but by the process itself.<\/p>\n
The one I just finished is a thick, Italian-made book with purple and pink flowers on the cover. It has small lines that allow me to fit a lot on it’s thick, quality pages. As I finished it at the end of 2019, I realized that it had lasted me three years. The most challenging three years of my life, that is.<\/p>\n
Standing at Barnes and Nobles, looking at different journals, I felt fear creeping in.<\/p>\n
How do I pick now? Where do I find the courage to start a new journey into the unknown when the last one turned out to be so difficult, sad and devastating?<\/strong> Even as I worked through it and healed and found grace in each hardship, I couldn\u2019t make myself set on another one just yet.<\/p>\n So, I told Julia, “I gave myself time. I took it really slow. Even to the point of sluggishness and no motivation.”<\/em><\/p>\n After a while, I picked a simple brown journal with two dandelion seeds on the cover. Somehow the lightness of it appealed to me.<\/p>\n When I got home, I didn\u2019t want to start writing into it. I wasn\u2019t sure I liked it and just couldn\u2019t commit to it. Perhaps I\u2019d take it back.<\/p>\n But, I also wanted to move ahead with each new day that was not ever going to come back for me.<\/p>\n When I finally opened it to write, I was disappointed. It was all soft and bendy, the lines were thick (like a 4th grade notebook), and the paper was thin so my nice gel pen bled through.<\/p>\n \u201cSo I said, fine! Be that way!\u201d<\/em> I was explaining to Julia what happened. Then, speaking with excitement (and with my hands), I said, \u201cIt\u2019s just a journal. I don\u2019t have to commit to it. I can just cancel it. Go get a new one. Change my mind. I don\u2019t have to keep it if it\u2019s not exactly how I want it to be.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Julia was laughing, as I was being pretty entertaining.<\/p>\n But then I stopped.<\/p>\n \u201cOr I\u2019ll keep it.\u201d<\/em> I said a lot more quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s never going to be exactly how I want it to be. I have no idea what its pages will hold. I just have to admit that I\u2019m scared and work through it.” <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I looked at her and felt like crying.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s take a breath and check in with the part that is scared,\u201d<\/em> Julia said gently. \u201cWhat does that part need right now?\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cTo know she will be safe no matter what,\u201d<\/em> I said.<\/p>\n Julia then took me through my favorite meditation. I took slow breaths as she read:<\/p>\n Be still and know I am God<\/p>\n Be still and know I am<\/p>\n Be still and know<\/p>\n Be still<\/p>\n Be<\/p>\n And in between each line, between each breath, I felt myself surrendering a little bit deeper into Love and the safety of just being wrapped in that Love.<\/p>\n No matter what goes on around me, how big the pressures and my responsibilities are, or how challenging the road becomes, I am always just a breath away from this sense of complete peace and safe surrender to the Love and Life that supports me.<\/p>\n When we finished, I said with honesty (and a mischievous smile): \u201cI am becoming really good at surrendering to Love and feeling supported by the goodness of life – especially in the early mornings when the coziness of my warm bed feels so good and when staying under the covers feels exactly like self-care I need. But then, it\u2019s 10 am and I am sluggish and unmotivated to do anything. Especially working out!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWell, you\u2019ll just have to push yourself through that one. Surrender won\u2019t help you here,\u201d<\/em><\/strong> Julia said in her \u2018tough coach’ tone. \u201cExercise will become the motivation you need. You just have to do it.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n Her timer rang, and I put on my coat.<\/p>\n \u201cWell ok then. We’ve had better sessions, but thank you!\u201d<\/em> I said smiling and feeling the kick in the butt. \u201cNo excuses for you – the part that would much rather eat chocolates than exercise. We are going to behave!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n The next morning, I put my running shoes on and coached myself out of the house and into the little gym at our club house. And yea, I felt better. A lot better.<\/p>\n I\u2019m excited and ready. Even with just a few days of sticking to my commitment to exercise, my mind is sharper, I feel more energized and the sluggishness is gone. I was able to make some big decisions about this year that will help me stay on the path that allows me to be of most service – and support my family!<\/p>\n And<\/em> I was able to finish up (Un)Broken <\/em>on time (more on that soon \ud83d\ude09)!<\/p>\n All is well \ud83d\ude42 And I\u2019m not stressed out! Amazing!<\/p>\n Life is this magical balance of pushing through and surrendering<\/strong> – and thank God for all the people in our lives who help us to adjust this balance when we lose it.<\/p>\n So\u2026 what do you think?<\/p>\n What might be ahead of you that you are unsure about? What might be holding you back to take each step with excitement and purpose.<\/p>\n Where do you need to push through and simply do<\/em>, and where can you surrender deeper into the Grace and Love that will guide you?<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.13″ text_font=”Euphoria Script||||||||”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row custom_padding=”0|0px|0|0px|false|false” _builder_version=”3.19.13″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”1_4″][et_pb_image src=”http:\/\/wakinguprevolution.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/Untitled-design.png” align=”center” _builder_version=”3.19.13″ max_width=”75%” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”10px||”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Author bio” _builder_version=”3.19.13″ custom_margin=”|13px||”]<\/p>\n Tatiana \u201cTajci\u201d\u00a0Cameron\u00a0is an award-winning music artist, published author, inspirational speaker, and certified transformational and spiritual life coach.<\/span><\/p>\n She has many passions and is dedicated to helping others while\u00a0also\u00a0creating\u00a0an enriched\u00a0life for herself and her three sons.\u00a0When\u00a0Tajci is\u00a0not on the road\u00a0performing\u00a0gigs, she volunteers with local organizations dear to her heart, spends time with loved ones (often involving\u00a0music!), and collaborates with other artists to bring creative projects to life.<\/span><\/p>\n Tajci’s most recent projects include a\u00a0meditation CD,\u00a0an annual\u00a0retreat & sea cruise in Croatia\u00a0(that she organizes and hosts), and a multimedia\u00a0CD\/book\u00a0(Un)Broken: Songs My Father Taught Me<\/i>.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row custom_padding=”0|0px|27px|0px|false|false” _builder_version=”3.0.48″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.13″ text_font=”Euphoria Script||||||||”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ show_more=”on” show_author=”off” show_date=”off” show_categories=”off” show_pagination=”off” _builder_version=”3.19.13″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.98″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_code][inf_infusionsoft_inline optin_id=”optin_5″][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.98″ background_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0.1)”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_code text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”|||370px”][et_social_follow icon_style=”flip” icon_shape=”rounded” icons_location=”top” col_number=”auto” outer_color=”dark”][\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text admin_label=”connect with me” _builder_version=”3.0.98″]<\/p>\n CONNECT WITH ME<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.98″ custom_padding=”7px|0px|49px|0px”][et_pb_row custom_padding=”27px|0px|0|0px|false|false” _builder_version=”3.0.98″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.13″ text_font_size=”18px” link_option_url_new_window=”on”] I went to see my therapist, Julia. I went in ready – I had figured out why I felt uncharacteristically unmotivated at the beginning of the year and I wanted to run it by her. There were several layers of reasons for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3277,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3273","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3273"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3273\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3277"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/wakinguprevolution.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Copy-of-Untitled-300x8.png\")
<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/span><\/h2>\n\u00a0<\/h2>\n
You might also like…<\/span><\/h2>\n