{"id":2442,"date":"2019-05-06T11:27:10","date_gmt":"2019-05-06T11:27:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wakinguprevolution.com\/?p=2442"},"modified":"2019-05-06T11:27:10","modified_gmt":"2019-05-06T11:27:10","slug":"almostheaven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/almostheaven\/","title":{"rendered":"Almost Heaven"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Before I left for a\u00a0concert in West Virginia, I scribbled on a little chalkboard:<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Please remember to:<\/div>\n
eat salad and fruit<\/div>\n
wash dishes<\/div>\n
recycle<\/div>\n
wipe off counters<\/div>\n
and signed it with \u201cI love you. Mama\u201d<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
My sons, who are 16 and 13, didn\u2019t need a reminder. They know all of this. And they are becoming very independent and responsible.\u00a0Leaving behind a little something with them was for me a tangible way to leave a part of me with them<\/b>\u00a0– not so much for them, as for me, because it put my \u2018mama\u2019 heart at peace.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
As I wrote, I paused for a moment and thought how I still feel\u00a0torn inside<\/i>\u00a0when I leave for a gig. They are bigger now, I have good friends who will stay with them, and I am lucky to have a job that\u2019s also my passion – singing and playing music and inspiring people. But a part of me still wants to stay with them all the time and not miss anything.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
\u2018Torn inside,\u2019 I thought\u2026 ok\u2026 maybe it\u2019s a bit of an exaggeration. Being torn inside is REALLY painful. (I often pause and reflect on expressions like this one. What image comes to you when you think about being \u2018torn inside\u2019?)<\/div>\n
I gathered a few last things for the trip thinking about this\u2026<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
It\u2019s an expression of the emotional pain we experience when we are physically separated from the people we love.\u00a0Perhaps the reason why this separation hurts like something inside is tearing apart is because of the memory of past separations we had experienced\u00a0<\/b>(with someone who had passed away, a community that rejected us, losing a sense of belonging, or being rejected by someone we loved who didn\u2019t love us back, etc.). We remember how much we were hurting.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Often,\u00a0the memory of emotional pain causes us to fear separation\u00a0<\/b>(Who would want to be \u2018torn inside\u2019 over and over again?), and we choose to \u2018stay put\u2019 and give up our dreams – the paths that were meant for us to walk on.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
As we drove away from Nashville, I remembered times when it took all my strength to leave, and how I\u2019d literary shake from separation anxiety. I also remembered times when, because of my panic attacks, I turned down gigs when my kids couldn\u2019t travel with me.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
It become so bad, I had to seek professional help. Through my therapy (and many years of deep inner work), I learned that\u00a0in order to heal, I had to change my mindset.<\/b>\u00a0Instead of focusing on how I am NOT physically with my children, I focus on how we ARE connected – via text, phone, through the shared air we breathe, the sun and the moon, Grace and Love\u2026 (I was so happy when, a few years ago, I listened to Science Friday and learned about \u2018quantum entanglement\u2019 \ud83d\ude42 )<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
When we do shift our mindset – and instead of seeing the separation, we see the whole – everything changes.\u00a0The emotional pain will still be there, but we won\u2019t be afraid of it.<\/b>We will know that we really aren\u2019t \u2018torn inside\u2019\u2026 that we are only experiencing pain because pain is a part of love – and both are a part of the whole \ud83d\ude09<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
I texted a few emoji kisses to my boys. Then\u00a0I felt how freeing it was to be able to go do what I love to do and trust that all is well.\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n

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CONNECT WITH ME<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”|||370px”][et_social_follow icon_style=”flip” icon_shape=”rounded” icons_location=”top” col_number=”auto” outer_color=”dark”][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.98″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_code][inf_infusionsoft_inline optin_id=”optin_5″][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.98″ custom_padding=”7px|0px|49px|0px”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.98″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.13″ text_font_size=”18px” link_option_url_new_window=”on”] Before I left for a\u00a0concert in West Virginia, I scribbled on a little chalkboard: \u00a0 Please remember to: eat salad and fruit wash dishes recycle wipe off counters and signed it with \u201cI love you. Mama\u201d \u00a0 My sons, who are 16 and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2443,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2442","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2442","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2442"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2442\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2443"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2442"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2442"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tatianacameron.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}